Dean James Dawes

What can I say... As I try to decide what to type, I look over behind me at my husband back from war, holding our brand new son. Wow. What am I supposed to say about something like this? It is the most amazing thing. There really are no words to express how I am feeling right now. Well... I guess there is always, exhausted, sore, happy, somewhat frustrated, completely elated, very nervous, overjoyed... I guess there are words... I just don't know which ones to put in here for my family to read. I guess I should probably give my "labor story." I feel as if I have heard a million different labor stories since becoming pregnant. Everyone seems so eager to share the story of their child's birth. Maybe someday I'll be like that too... but right now it just seems kinda weird.

They decided to induce me because of some slight high blood pressure issues, but more because they took pity on me because Dean doesn't get to be here for very long. I went in Saturday night so that they could prepare my cervix some, because it hadn't even begun to dilate at all. They decided to put a Foley bulb in my cervix. basically they put in a little balloon, filled it with water, and sent me home. Over the course of the night, it worked it's way out leaving my cervix dilated about 4 centimeters. That was rather painful... I basically gave birth to a water balloon. It was quite a bit smaller than my baby would be, so it had me rather nervous for the next day.

Anyways, we went back to the hospital around 6:30 Sunday morning. They checked me in, put me in a labor and delivery room, hooked me up to an IV, and started giving me pitocin. I started having contractions a very short while later, I don't remember what time I finally asked for the epidural. I held off for as long as I could. I think it was sometime early afternoon. After that, things were pretty easy until the epidural stopped working for some reason. My contractions started getting more and more painful until someone came in and fixed the epidural and gave me something else that made me really really tired. I slept for most of the rest of the evening, waking up to throw up all over the floor once.

It was probably 8:30 or so that the midwife came in and told me that it was time to have my baby. At that point I could feel nothing. I couldn't wiggle my toes when I tried, it was a rather disconcerting feeling. So then it was time to push. It was really weird pushing when I couldn't feel myself pushing. I really couldn't tell if I was even pushing or not. But I guess I was because out popped my baby boy a short time later. Dean was there to cut the cord, and then they put him on me while they wiped him off some before they took him to the other side of the room to clean him up and weigh him and give him a couple of shots. All in all I don't think it was nearly as bad as I have heard it described my many people... although that time when my epidural wasn't working all that well wasn't all that much fun.

So now it has been three days, and in that time I have experienced being a mother. Its a really awesome thing. granted I miss getting a straight night of sleep, and I'm kinda sore from both the birth, and from nursing. The nursing has gone pretty well, although it seems, he doesn't like to be on his right side, so getting him to nurse from my left breast has been slightly tricky but, as of this afternoon, doable. He is also proving to be rather fond of a pacifier. I didn't want him to be dependent on a pacifier, so I give it to him as little as possible, but when it comes down to giving him a pacifier or having him sucking on me all day, I'll give him the pacifier.

I'm really going to miss having Dean here. It has been great having him back home with me. He is so great with our baby. He has changed every single diaper except for one that I changed when he was sleeping so deeply I couldn't wake him up. I didn't try very hard to wake him up. He had been up with him for a couple hours before that. He has a knack of getting him to go to sleep or to just calm down when I can't figure out what's wrong. I get the feeling that my life with this baby is going to get a lot harder once Dean is gone.

We've had pretty much all of Dean's family here the past few days. His Dad and step Mom drove down from Wyoming, and his Mom and sister flew in from Missouri. We also have had Mom here for the past week and a half which has been great. They came bearing gifts... and my son now has enough 0-3 month clothing to last him a year. Its really kinda sad that he will never be able to wear most of it. Most of it is used stuff from one of Dean's step-sisters I think.

With Dean's dad here, we had three Deans. Both Dean and his Dad are quite adamant that none of the three of them is a senior or a junior or a third because they have different middle names: Dean Martin, Dean Clayton, and Dean James. I am still having a hard time calling my baby Dean though. I more often call him Baby Boy. I think I have called him Dean two or three times since he has been born. I've tried using a couple of other nick names, but nothing seems to fit him. I really don't know what I'm going to call this kid. I really feel bad. I kinda feel like I have a nameless child. All well, I guess I'll figure it out before too long. I have to call him something. Maybe it will get easier to call him Dean once my Dean is gone. Who knows.

Well, it is past 11, and I have no idea why I am awake right now. My baby and my husband are both asleep, and my baby will probably be awake again in a very short amount of time demanding to be fed or held or changed. I must be crazy to have taken this precious sleep time to write this entirely too long blog entry... and I still have to go through and add pictures... I must be crazy. All well, I wanted to get this written, and now it is done.