Being April

I have been thinking a lot about depression lately. I think I was depressed most of my teenage years, and then again for several years after I was married. I don't think mine was chemical, just mostly lonely and not really comfortable with who I was. When Deano and Andrew were little, I would go to playgroups craving social interaction so much. The kids would play, while the moms sat in a semicircle with half an eye on the kids, and just chat. I would spend the two hours there sitting in near silence. I couldn't figure out what to say, or how to insert myself into the conversations with people talking about the weekends that they had spent together, or their plans to hang out that evening. Sometimes one of them would go out of their way to talk to me, ask me questions and I would answer them. I was never very good at keeping the conversation going though, and they would soon move on to other things. Most weeks, I would be looking forward to the social interaction all week, the...

I've been sick for two weeks now. Stuffy nose mostly. I had a headache and sinus pains in the beginning, but most of that is gone now. Then this morning I woke up without a voice. It hurts to talk, even to whisper. Despite that, I was feeling better than I had been, and I decided to mow the lawn. Dean mowed when we moved in, but a week and a half later it needed it, and there were some parts on the side of the house that he hadn't done at all which had grass growing about two feet tall. I went out to mow, giving the children strict instructions to clean up after themselves when they ate breakfast, keep the gate shut which we put up to keep the dog out of the kids' bedrooms, and watch Owen like a hawk, or else keep him in the backyard. Two hours later, exhausted, sunburned, covered in grass, blisters on my hands, and only the front and side yards done, I decided to call it quits and finish tomorrow. I came in eager to rest, drink some water, and maybe spend some time with ...

Life has been crazy busy these past couple of weeks! We moved into a new house, and we got a dog! I'm feeling a little overwhelmed with everything that I have to be doing right now. Owen (the dog) needs constant supervision, or he likes to grab the kids' toys and socks and run off with them. He also has to be watched so he doesn't have an accident in the house. We've had him just over a week, and he's getting better at house-training, but as he gets to be more comfortable here, he is taking more liberties with stealing and chewing up our stuff. I'm trying to get the kids to put away their stuff, and keep their bedroom doors shut, but it is so hard! I'm just as bad. Dean's socks seem to be his favorite. He also barks and whines SO MUCH! He wants us to play with him! He's a puppy, he just wants to play. I'm assuming that's why he keeps stealing our stuff, because we chase him and play tug of war, and he seems to like that. Dean is gone for a ...