Creativity

I love being creative! I love to draw. I love decorating cakes. I love writing stories. I love growing plants. I love making movies. I love building things out of snow. Sometimes I even like to cook or bake new things. I love doing things that allow me to create something new that wasn't there before, even if its something that's just going to be eaten.

I'm kinda lazy. It takes work to do any of the creative things that I love to do. I love it when I'm in the moment, but the thought of getting the materials ready, and cleaning up afterwards is a pain. I often get caught up with the thought that my house has to be clean before I can do anything fun and creative. I don't want to clean up my house, so I don't do anything creative. Also, just doing anything outside of my normal routine takes planning and thought that I'm just too lazy to put in. And then when I do put the time into something creative, I often feel guilty because of the time used on that instead of cleaning or caring for my children.

I'm a perfectionist. The whole time I'm creating something, no matter what it is, I constantly worry that it's not good enough, or that it wasn't what I wanted it to be, or it doesn't look quite right, or it doesn't sound quite right, or it doesn't taste quite right. I worry what other people are going to think of it. I tend to spend way longer than necessary on any project trying to get it just perfect! But it never is, and at some point I just have to call it quits and let it be what it is. Sometimes I work something to death, until it's worse than it was before I noticed the imperfection. A lot of times I compare my work to those who are professionals, or at least to others who have way more experience and training than I do, and I beat myself up because mine isn't as good as theirs is.

I'm letting it go. Being creative is worth the work. It doesn't matter if it's perfect. It doesn't have to be better than anyone else's. It doesn't have to be the best. It doesn't even have to be my best. Creating is worth it anyways. The time is worth it as well. It brings me joy, which in turn makes me a better mother and a better person.

I am going to create. This is going to be a really busy month, but at least twice this month, I am going to create something. Don't ask me what yet. I have a few ideas, but I'm not sure which ones are going to pan out.


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