Facing Challenges

I wonder sometimes why we get to face the challenges that we do. Obviously some are self inflicted, some are the result of other's choices, some people are born with, and some just seem to happen. A friend once told me that she pictured each of us being called one by one into Heavenly Father's office before birth and together we discussed what challenges we would face, all laid out for us despite the fact that we wouldn't be able to remember the meeting. I imagine that I had a small amount of say in the choices that I faced, and I imagine that maybe Heavenly Father turned down some of my proposals and made plenty of his own because he knows what is best for me. My friend said that in her meeting she probably was too ambitious and asked the Lord to face too much, and knowing that she was a strong spirit let her, and that is why her life seems so very difficult.

I have a nephew who recently told me of an analogy. Each of our challenges are like a baking ingredient, salt or flour, etc. Each one alone is gross, and we may prefer to leave it out, because it doesn't taste good, but God knows better and so he insists that we add it. Eventually when all of the ingredients are together and is baked then what comes out is delicious beyond any individual ingredient. Each of our trials individually may seem hard to bear, they may seem unnecessary and we may just wish that we could skip over them, but without each and every trial and experience that we face we wouldn't become what God wants us to become.

I once asked my dad why he thought some of us were born into the church and other people had to work hard to search for it, and some people never found it at all. I don't remember most of his answer, but I do remember at one point he said that he thought maybe he was born into the church because he wouldn't have made it otherwise. God knows us, he knows what we can handle, he knows what is best for us, and I suppose that the challenges that we face are specifically tailored for us.

Something that I hear often is God won't give us more than we can handle. I really dislike this statement, because it's misquoting the scripture in Corinthians that says he won't tempt us more than we are able, that doesn't mean that we won't face challenges that are too hard for us. In fact, I think that he sometimes intentionally gives us more than we can handle so that we are forced to come unto him and take his yoke upon us and allow him to help us carry the burden.

What is it that God wants me to become, and what am I facing in my life to get me there?

I used to wonder why my life seemed so easy, and why other people seemed to have it so difficult. I have a few friends who were abused physically, sexually, mentally, and/or emotionally as children and young adults. I have friends and family members who are homosexual (although they may or may not view that as a challenge, I know one for sure does not, and embraces it wholeheartedly.) I have friends who have suffered the loss of a child, or who have had several miscarriages. I have a friend who is blind. I have a friend who has lupus. I have several friends who have experienced extremely difficult pregnancies, and countless other health issues. What have I had to face?

I know my life has not all been sunshine and daisies. Some days in particular like yesterday are extremely stressful. I know I have had difficult things in my past that I've had to deal with: Dean deploying for a year when I was three months pregnant; Dean getting out of the military and working at McDonalds, and us struggling financially for a while; even now that he has a decent job, money always seems pretty tight; Dean will likely be deploying again in less than a year from now; I've felt lonely; I've struggled with self esteem; I've been trying to redefine myself in my role as mom, wife, housekeeper, chef, cab driver. Lately my biggest challenges seem to be small day to day things like having a strong willed child that refuses to potty train, or a baby that wants to be held constantly and screams in my ear if I'm not giving him my undivided attention. These challenges though I don't feel as though I can call them challenges because they are just part of life. Every parent faces these types of challenges, not the same ones per se, but the challenges that come with raising children. But many other parents have these on top of others, like a spouse leaving them to raise the children on their own, or their child being injured or chronically ill. Overall my life has been easy. I haven't had any major bumps in my road, just little ones all along the way.

Why has my life been relatively easy? Is it just because I haven't hit the big ones yet? Is it because I'm just missing something? Is it because God is trying to keep my life simple to prepare me for something else? Am I supposed to be using this time of peace to be strengthening my relationships, or reading my scriptures more, or just getting everything organized for when the big one strikes? Or maybe I never will face any major challenge. Maybe God knows that I wouldn't be able to handle anything bigger? Maybe the lack of huge trials and the subsequent doubt in myself is itself the test? I've been tempted a few times to pray for a trial, but I've never quite been able to do it, because I guess I'm afraid that the prayer will be answered. Maybe I'm reading too much into all of this. I'm definitely reading too much into all of this.

I guess all that I can do is take each day as it comes, take each bump in the road one by one. I just continue to have faith that God knows what is best for me, and that he has a plan for my life.