Homesickness
I woke up this morning feeling homesick. I am at home, so there is
absolutely no reason for that. Usually when I'm feeling homesick when
I'm at home it's because Dean is not with me, but he was there, so it
had me pretty confused for a while. I finally figured out that I am
feeling homesick because I am missing Mission Viejo. I miss being in one
place for a long time. Ever since we moved away from Mission Viejo I've
been moving around a lot. First to Utah, then Idaho for college, then
to Heather's house for the summer, then here to Fort Carson with Dean.
And now with Dean's deployment to Afghanistan looming ever closer, I'm
going to be on the move again.
I'll be all over the place for the next few months. I might be driving down to Texas with Jarom, and then I'll be in Denver with MaeLyn's family. From there I'll probably go visit my family in Utah, and I'll just be jumping around from place to place. After a couple of months of that, I'm going to go live with Heather and Tejay again, this time in their basement. Then I'm tossing around the idea of going back to school in Idaho again In January. Then, when Dean finally comes back in June or so of next year, I'll be back here on Fort Carson for who knows how long. Maybe just a couple of months if Dean gets the change that he's looking for. We'll probably be going to Arizona for eight or nine months, and then to Texas or New York or wherever the army decides to send us. And then Dean will be deployed again probably before too long. Then I get the decision to stay where I am all alone, or do I go stay with someone. As much as I hate moving around so much, even more, I hate to be alone. Granted I won't be entirely alone because I'll have baby Dawes to keep me company. But still... I don't want to be alone, so I'll probably be moving again.
I miss being a kid growing up in Mission Viejo. Seventeen and a half years in one place. I never moved at all. Moving was unnatural and foreign to me. It was something that other people do, but not something I thought I'd be doing ever. I figured Mom and Dad would be living in Mission Viejo forever, so I'd stay there until college, then I'd go to college, and come home in the summers. Eventually, I would get married, but then we would settle down somewhere and not move at all. Our kids would grow up there and then they would come home from college to the same house where they grew up. I know that this is an unrealistic thing to have expected. Even my parents moved around a few times in the early years of their marriage, I should have expected at least that much.
I don't like change. Its hard. Its bad enough that my life will be in constant flux because of the unstable nature of military life, but I'm also going to have to deal with Dean being in and out of my life for the duration of his military career. I want to get into a routine. I want to raise our children together, without having Daddy gone half the time. I love Dean, and I wouldn't trade him for the world; I just wish he didn't have to leave me. The military is our best option right now. If Dean were to get out of the Army, then there's no telling if he'd be able to get another job. Especially with the economy the way it is. Maybe in 13 years or so Dean can retire from the Army and get another job someplace that we can settle down and buy a nice house and stay there for decades. I'd really like that, but I guess for now I'm just going to have to deal with this.
I'll be all over the place for the next few months. I might be driving down to Texas with Jarom, and then I'll be in Denver with MaeLyn's family. From there I'll probably go visit my family in Utah, and I'll just be jumping around from place to place. After a couple of months of that, I'm going to go live with Heather and Tejay again, this time in their basement. Then I'm tossing around the idea of going back to school in Idaho again In January. Then, when Dean finally comes back in June or so of next year, I'll be back here on Fort Carson for who knows how long. Maybe just a couple of months if Dean gets the change that he's looking for. We'll probably be going to Arizona for eight or nine months, and then to Texas or New York or wherever the army decides to send us. And then Dean will be deployed again probably before too long. Then I get the decision to stay where I am all alone, or do I go stay with someone. As much as I hate moving around so much, even more, I hate to be alone. Granted I won't be entirely alone because I'll have baby Dawes to keep me company. But still... I don't want to be alone, so I'll probably be moving again.
I miss being a kid growing up in Mission Viejo. Seventeen and a half years in one place. I never moved at all. Moving was unnatural and foreign to me. It was something that other people do, but not something I thought I'd be doing ever. I figured Mom and Dad would be living in Mission Viejo forever, so I'd stay there until college, then I'd go to college, and come home in the summers. Eventually, I would get married, but then we would settle down somewhere and not move at all. Our kids would grow up there and then they would come home from college to the same house where they grew up. I know that this is an unrealistic thing to have expected. Even my parents moved around a few times in the early years of their marriage, I should have expected at least that much.
I don't like change. Its hard. Its bad enough that my life will be in constant flux because of the unstable nature of military life, but I'm also going to have to deal with Dean being in and out of my life for the duration of his military career. I want to get into a routine. I want to raise our children together, without having Daddy gone half the time. I love Dean, and I wouldn't trade him for the world; I just wish he didn't have to leave me. The military is our best option right now. If Dean were to get out of the Army, then there's no telling if he'd be able to get another job. Especially with the economy the way it is. Maybe in 13 years or so Dean can retire from the Army and get another job someplace that we can settle down and buy a nice house and stay there for decades. I'd really like that, but I guess for now I'm just going to have to deal with this.
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