Being April

Life sucks... sometimes... it really does. I have many times in my life when things just weren't working out in the way that I expected or wanted them to. I've had long periods of time when I have been lonely or frustrated or discouraged. Right now I am so frustrated because the rain is preventing roofers to replace the roof on my new house, so we can't close on the house. I'm stuck in an obnoxious state of limbo for an indeterminate amount of time. Dean is going to be out of town for all of June, and right now, best case scenario gets us closing on our house on May 29th. I kinda doubt that will work out though, because the ten day forecast has rain every single day until June 1st. If things work out as I fear, the house will finally close after Dean has left. I'll have to get a power of attorney so I can sign for him. I'll have to organize the move myself. We have outdoor things that need to be put together that I'll have to do myself. I'll have to figu...

What exactly does it mean to be a woman? Other than anatomy, what makes females different than males? (disclaimer: This is probably way more information than anyone needs to know, but this blog is mostly for me, so whatever. ) I spent much of my youth wishing that I weren't a girl. I hated wearing skirts or dresses to church and other formal occasions, I hated feeling pressured to wear makeup and have my hair look a certain way. I fought hard against those things. I never wore makeup until the day I was married, and only a handful of times since. I kept my hair in a ponytail more or less constantly for 15 years. I only wear a skirt when I absolutely have to, and I usually change into pants as soon as the occasion is over. I wore men's pants and baggy t-shirts for many years. (mens pants have bigger pockets) I have since ditched the men's pants, but I still prefer baggy t-shirts although I have been trying not to wear them as much. As a child I enjoyed climbing ...

Most of the Mothers' days that I have had since becoming a mother have passed by uneventfully. Dean has so often been overseas, or out of town, or just working, and my kids have been young enough that they wouldn't really take the initiative to do anything special for mothers' day. I've been okay with that. I never expected anything, so I was never disappointed. This mothers' day has been different. Dean let me sleep in yesterday morning, since he knew we would have to be up early for church today. I got to sleep in until about 8:30, which is longer than I've slept in in ages. Then this morning, he got up early, and made me breakfast, and the kids each made me a card. It was really nice. At church I got a tomato plant. I much prefer those kinds of plants over flowers. Flowers are nice, but I'd take tomatoes any day.

Alma 32: 26 Now, as I said concerning faith—that it was not a perfect knowledge—even so it is with my words. Ye cannot know of their surety at first, unto perfection, any more than faith is a perfect knowledge. 27 But behold, if ye will awake and arouse your faculties, even to an experiment upon my words, and exercise a particle of faith, yea, even if ye can no more than desire to believe , let this desire work in you, even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a portion of my words. I have never really struggled with my faith until recently. And even now, I'm not so much having a struggle of faith, as I am trying to justify my faith, mostly to myself. I believe in God. I believe in Jesus Christ. I don't doubt the atonement. I believe that following the prophet will bless my life. I believe that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints contains the fullness of the gospel. Why? I guess that's what I'm trying to figure out. I have ...